Effective Date: May 2018
Have you ever actually read one of these? I haven’t!
We have to write a new privacy thingy to explain how we comply with the GDPR* (Galant Dancing Prancing Routine) and the PECR* (Please Excuse Craycray Regulations) because there’s just not enough interesting cat videos to watch or Buzzfeed articles to read, so you need to read 1,000 words of legal nonsense that makes not one bit of difference to anyone, ever. And let’s not pretend we actually care. We do really. 😉
Anyway, we don’t know what these things are. We’re just a tiny team of three with a few lovelies living in different countries helping us, who thought we’d do something meaningful and help other people do great things.
Let’s get this over with
We’re a micro, overstretched business, with massive ambition, and frankly we don’t have the time or energy to do anything dodgy with your data. I’m not saying we are holy saints or Mary Poppins, what I’m saying is, we’re just too busy to think of dodgy and unethical ways to steal or sell your data and identity. We’ve got far more important things to do.
We do collect and store the stuff we need to provide you with the service you buy from us. We occasionally stalk you with Facebook adverts. But that’s all.
Cookies and other baked goods
How we stalk you
We play with Google Analytics to stare at our screen every now and then. It shows us what pages people look at and how they looked. Have you tried it? It’s rather smart. It just helps us know what you need so we can give you more of the stuff you need.
We also have the Facebook Pixel installed, I don’t know how it works, or what Facebook do with it, but it helps us stalk you and sell you stuff on Facebook. Yes that’s right. We sell stuff. Shocking, eh? We are a business and we want you to buy our stuff, otherwise we would not be a business and we couldn’t give you £1000s and £1000s worth of free stuff. Anyway, what’s wrong with selling stuff? You’re looking at this on your phone or laptop, which you bought. I’m assuming you’re wearing clothes, which were also bought.
The Facebook Pixel lets us see how people interact with our site and with Facebook adverts and then we try to sell you relevant stuff.
I’m sure there’s a Facebook Pixel blocking thingy if you don’t want adverts to follow you on Facebook all the time.
None of these things store any of your personal personal data about you but probably they take your IP address. I looked where things usually get lost – back of the top kitchen cupboard, but couldn’t find it. Even if we do eventually find it, none of us know what to do with it. All we see is that a person or many people have interacted with the website, from a country, on their mobile or desktop and looked at certain pages.
Don’t worry, we’re not going to sell your data to some dodgy company to sway elections. But here’s what we do and where we store your data.
On this website If you sign-up with the site we will store your name and email address, in a safe place, under the bed, away from our cat, Whiskey. Not really, it stays on AWEBER (see below). If you buy stuff from us we will store your name, email address.
Your payment details are not held on the site, ever. We don’t see your credit card or payment details, because it all goes through a super secure thingy called STRIPE. We can’t see or take it your credit card data.
AWEBER If you’ve signed up for anything or bought anything on our site – newsletter, free course, paid course, anything else, your name and email address magically appears in AWEBER, a system we use to manage our newsletters. They are GDPR compliant. You can unsubscribe from emails at any time by hitting the unsubscribe button at the bottom of every single email you receive.
KAJABI All our courses run on an education system called KAJABI. It’s so amazing, especially for a techtard like me, who just wants to get on with the coaching and serving you. When you sign up for a course, your name, email address and the course you want to take is on KAJABI. The programme sits inside there, it’s like you walk in my front door, and then we have an extension on the side of the house, and in that room are TVs that play the programmes you watch. KAJABI are GDPR compliant.
When you buy
When you buy stuff, you will either pay through Stripe or PayPal. The only payment-based details we hold on our site is how much you’ve spent and whether you paid with Stripe or PayPal. We have no bank or card details. Stripe is GDPR compliant. Not sure about PayPal.
Email marketing and newsletter
If you sign up to our newsletter, we will send you a newsletter – generally around four a month, but occasionally more if there is something more interesting to share. You can unsubscribe at any time by clicking the unsubscribe button in every email. Your name and email address are stored securely in AWEBER.
If you sign up for a course, we will send you emails about the course. You can unsubscribe but you’ll miss important stuff about the course.
AWEBER automatically adds tracking things to links so if you click on a link WE KNOW. If you open an email WE KNOW. If you ignore us reminding you to be doing sales and personal development activities WE KNOW.
The most important thing about we don’t have time actually look at or do anything with these stats. But when you do ignore our emails, it make us feel concerned and hoping you’re okay.
Social media and blah blah
We use don’t use social media a lot, partly because we can’t stand it. But we do sometimes promote our articles, programmes and coaching, but mostly it’s used to share things we find interesting or amusing, and occasional opinion.
Is anyone there? Did you really get this far? Whoa, we are impressed.
You can delete at anytime
If you don’t want to be friends, then that’s fine with us. Just email firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll delete you. Just know this, we’ll also passive aggressively wonder what we did wrong, so please tell us, if you can.
If you want to delete your PayPal or Stripe accounts you have to do that yourself via PayPal or Stripe. We cannot delete your purchase history because taxman.
Just so you’re aware, if you want to delete everything, you can’t access any of the awesome stuff we make or any of the courses you have access to. We need your email and name to prove you paid.
Any other questions or concerns, email us at email@example.com
Okay, bye bye.
*GDPR really stands for General Data Protection Regulation
*PECR okay, it’s Privacy and Electronic Communications Regulations